http://thelayoffbeard.com Matt Sussman's journey between places of employment Wed, 14 Oct 2009 10:00:32 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en That was one hell of a summer vacation. It's probably the last one of my life. And with the temperature dropping to nipple-hardening levels, football on the weekends, and miniature golf becoming more and more impractical to play this time of year, it's fitting that I also have some "kind" ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20091014/lead/and-the-job-begins/ Honestly, Kanye West, I'm really happy for you and your ability to wedge yourself into other people's situations, but I'm going to steal your thunder, because you want this story to be about you. I haven't seen all the music videos for the Video Music Awards' nomination for Best Female Video, ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090914/tv/vma/ The year was 1999. I started playing something called "fantasy football." I had the first pick in a league with my friends. I took Steve Young. He played two and a half games before a concussion ended his career. Right then and there, I knew this was the greatest asset ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090910/lead/fantasy-football-retirement/ The intent of a layoff beard is that it ceases to exist once full time employment is achieved. (Just like this blog!) But here's something I never quite anticipated. What if I landed a part-time job? After some profound self-deliberation, it's been concluded that a trimming is in order. Never ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090831/miscellany/trimming/ I hear the following sentiments all the time: People are getting dumber. We're becoming more depraved. The Internet is ruining journalism. Before you know it, Idiocracy will no longer be a work of fiction. Maybe it's because of our dependence on technology and how much time we escape into the digital ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090826/lead/dumbsociety/ So exactly how effective is saturation of commercials? I guess getting songs stuck in the head of the TV-watching masses is a plus, if and only if they know what the hell the song is peddling. For a while I thought the "Lollipop" song was dedicated to selling scads upon ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090821/tech/lollipop/ Seriously, this picture is like porn to me. Without question, the 2006 ALCS walk off home run by Magglio Ordoñez is the most pristine sports memory I've ever had. At least until this next postseason. This is my weakness, world. There are so many ways you could enslave me, render me ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090818/sports/talkingtildebottleopener/ Okay, 'nother feature. I just talk and talk about old video games. No gimmicks. Okay ... a few gimmicks. Long before Create-A-Team, the Hit Stick, the juke button, and even QB Eagles, there was this crappy little game called 10 Yard Fight, released in 1985. This game is old enough to ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090817/videogames/10yardfight/ Hey, look, a wiener. You know, looking at the size of it, it kind of looks like a ... oh, hi, mom. (Warning, if you haven't figured out by now: this is going to be a very sophomoric, suggestive post. I'm okay with that.) More to the point, "wiener" is almost used ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090814/lead/phallicobjects/ (Warning: Finishing this post is an automatic two hole punches on your Baseball Geek Card.) Math is fun. (Damental.) And sports are fun too. Like peanut butter into one's chocolate, or however the story goes, baseball statistics are like a mosquito bite. Sometimes scratching them is pointless, but sometimes it's a ... http://thelayoffbeard.com/20090812/sports/newstat/